Uwe Boll

Originally I had intended on writting a nice little rant about the worlds worst "blockbuster" director but decided upon further research that I have been beaten to the punch by a whole website.
http://www.bollbashers.com/
They have more of a tongue in cheek approach to it.
This article however is a very fun read about the development of an unused script for Alone in the Dark
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649

Just for the sake of this being a rants area I will make some quick remarks to one of the latest Uwe interviews found at Eurogamer.net

UWE-"Let's be realistic, what is House of the Dead? House of the Dead is a brainless shooter, where you shoot zombies into pieces. So what are you expecting from the movie, Schindler's List? I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is. It's a lot of fun, it's over-the-top action - it's not 28 Days Later, because the reality is that House of the Dead is about how it's a lot of fun to shoot zombies... It's cheesy entertainment with a lot of gore and a lot of violence, and it's super-fast."

ME- Not expecting Schindler's List but I would expect that House of the Dead would actually feature a HOUSE of the DEAD and not an island of zombies with a small outhouse looking shanty as the title domicile. Also, it was not a lot of fun or super-fast. Lastly, HotD is the only film I have ever seen with a dolly track in the shot. And not just in the a normal shot for a brief second. Oh no. It's in there during a slowmotion shot for the entire shot.

UWE- "The reality is that a lot of the videogame companies are quite sloppy - they are happy to sell the licence, but then they don't give a sh** about it, and this is not the right approach."

ME- Obviously not if you're the ass clown that picks up said license and runs a franchise into the ground.

UWE- "When I try to get videogames turned into movies, and get videogames accepted as [the equivalent of] best-selling books for the younger generation, I get only sh** from the videogames press - what an asshole I am, what a criminal I am for doing these movies, whatever, instead of being happy that there's a movie getting made of a game. This is what's confusing me."

ME- For a video game based movie to be considered the equivalent of a best selling novel you have to actually make a film faithful the source. I'm sure fans of Michael Crichton's work would have been so excited if Jurassic Park was churned out at dirt cheap prices with rubber dinosaurs and a script that had nothing to do with the book. Confused?? How can you be confused about why people don't like shit? Take a handful of your own, eat it and tell me you love it. If you can't do it then I've proved my point. If you can do it... you're obviously proving your insanity.

UWE- "So if people are writing on the Internet about how my movies were big failures They are big failures, sorry. Even if you make your money back the films themselves are failures. Big ones., it's because these people are amateurs and they have no idea of the reality of film-making and film selling. I get bashed as the worldwide enemy number one in film-making by people who are working at Starbucks and who also want to make movies. It's ridiculous - it's completely idiotic because they're hitting on a guy who actually made it happen, but I started my career in the same position as anybody else,"

ME- I'm an amateur so what? I still understand that if you got the money and have pushed your wares before you can make whatever you want talent or no talent. A romanian dental hygenist could tell your films are fecal matter. You started your career right from the get go with a KNOCK OFF movie called German Fried Movie. Also, I don't work at Starbucks.

UWE- "Now people are getting hired as directors at 20 years old, coming from film school and getting 100 million bucks for their first movie. If people think that this is a good situation, that I'm the worst enemy in film-making and a completely talentless idiot, it's their decision."

ME- Where is this fucking magical fairy land you speak of where a twenty year old make a film for 100 million right out of the gate? Cause I want in, bitch. I think the people have already spoken for me.

UWE- "I personally think that with the budget they've planned, Halo will be a failure. I think Halo will not make the money back in the end."

ME- Personally that statement could be true. The real reason I point it out is this: Uwe is in it ONLY for the money. I could care less if Summer School or any future projects we (rcf)create make us money back in the end. I would like to but it isn't and never will be our driving force for making films. We are artists (you can disagree) and our art is film. We want to create our art and show it to people. Uwe wants to make images move on a screen so he can buy that solid platinum David Hasselhoff statue.

UWE- "Before they judge, they should see the film, that's the first thing. Second, they should really try to compare it fairly, and not based on my name. If people really think I'm completely talentless, and this is to journalists, they should at least rent one of my earlier movies, like Heart of America, which is a really, really good movie. And then they should say, 'Okay, this is the history of this director, we should judge him based on this.' They shouldn't say, 'This guy cannot make movies,' because this is unfair. I think it's very arrogant that a lot of journalists are not even willing see that movie before they judge my directing ability."

ME- I saw House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Sanctimony. I watched both HotD and AitD more than once, even listening to the commentary tracks. Your history doesn't help your creditablity. Pushing possibly the one film that doesn't make you look like a complete fuckup and saying "I do good work see" doesn't cut it. Also, if your first major US release is the festering pile HotD was WHY should anyone be willing to watch another movie by you? If I eat a hamburger and it tastes like dog food why would I ever get it again? I have Heart of America and Blackwoods on my netflix queue but I've got this nagging feeling they just won't live up to the amazing hype.

If you would like to learn more about this untalented german boob go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll